36 Questions to Fall in Love: A Gentle Path to Deeper Connection
- StoriedLife Team
- Jan 28
- 6 min read
Meaningful connection often begins with a single, thoughtful conversation. You may have heard of the famous 36 questions to fall in love, a series of prompts designed to bridge the distance between two people. Whether you are on a first date or have been married for decades, these questions offer a calm space to share life experiences and memories at your own pace.
At StoriedLife, we believe that every person carries a library of stories worth preserving. This scientific approach to intimacy is not a magic formula or a "love test," but rather a supportive way to listen to the person sitting across from you.
The Story Behind the Thirty Six Questions
In 1997, psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron explored how strangers could accelerate intimacy. They found that mutual vulnerability, the act of slowly opening up together, creates a profound sense of belonging. Later, the New York Times 36 questions article, "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This," brought this practice to millions of readers.
These 36 questions NY Times readers fell in love with are divided into three sets. Each set becomes slightly more personal, allowing you and your partner to settle into the conversation without feeling rushed or pressured.
Set I: Opening the Door to Conversation
These first few prompts are light and curious. They are perfect date night questions or good love questions to ask a guy to see how they view the world. If you are looking for stuff to ask your crush or questions to ask your crush specifically, this set is the most comfortable starting point.
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Do you have a hunch about how you will die? (A hunch is simply a feeling or intuition about the future.)
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II: Sharing Meaningful Moments
As you move into the second set, the questions to fall in love begin to touch on values and cherished memories. This is often where you find the best questions on a first date to move beyond small talk.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III: Building Intimacy and Trust
The final 36 questions that lead to love invite deep reflection. If you are looking for intimacy relationship questions or deep love questions to ask your boyfriend, these will help you understand his inner world.
Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you have just met.
Share an embarrassing moment in your life. (While it may feel embarrassing now, sharing these moments builds trust.)
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how they might handle it. Then, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
How to Use These Questions Gently
You do not need to answer all 36 questions to fall in love in one sitting. Some couples prefer to pick just a few questions to ask to fall in love over a quiet dinner. Whether you are looking for questions about love to ask your boyfriend, questions about love to ask your girlfriend, or questions to ask your girlfriend about love, the key is to create a safe space for the answer.
If you are a Sentimental Gift-Giver looking for meaningful gifts for parents, you might even share these prompts with them to learn about their own love a language. For an Adult Child who fears regret, asking love questions to ask your boyfriend or your parents can be a way to ensure their voices are never lost.
Preserving the Stories You Discover
Every conversation you have today becomes the family history of tomorrow. When you use these 36 questions to fall in love, you often uncover memories and life experiences that deserve to be kept safe. For many families, the struggle isn't finding the stories; it is finding a gentle way to preserve them without turning it into a big project.
This is why we created StoriedLife. We act as a human storytelling companion that simply listens while you or your loved ones share in your own words. There is no writing required and no technical complexity to master. It is a way to turn these meaningful moments into a lasting legacy at your own pace.
A Soft Closing
Listening, without interruption or pressure, is often the greatest gift you can offer someone you love. Whether you use these prompts on a date night or during a quiet visit with a grandparent, the goal is the connection itself.
If this resonates, you may want to explore how some families choose to preserve these conversations over time. You can learn more here, if and when the timing feels right for you.
Common Questions About the Love Study
Can these questions really make someone fall in love?
The study by Arthur Aron was designed to create "interpersonal closeness". While they can't force a "love love test" result, they do remove the barriers that keep us from truly knowing one another.
Are there other versions, like 21 questions to fall in love?
Many people use variations like 21 love questions to ask a guy, 30 questions to fall in love, or even a longer list like 101 questions to ask before you get engaged. The exact number matters less than the intention behind the conversations about love.
How do I ask these without it feeling awkward?
Frame it as an invitation. You might say, "I found these nyt questions to fall in love and thought it might be nice to hear some of your stories".
What if my partner is tech-averse?
If you are helping a Tech-Averse Grandparent, you can read the questions aloud. The goal is preserving voices, not mastering an app.
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